Wash Away My Fears
by songs for clem
Summary: In a moment of catharsis, Solas comforts Inquisitor Avalon in the waters at the Ancient Baths in the Exalted Plains.


It had been awhile since Avalon had been around a Dalish clan. Ever since she left the Lavellan clan, she'd tried to push away her memories of that life of separation and loneliness. She's tried to find a new path, to search for truth and connection in the traditions of other cultures.

To this end, the Inquisition was invigorating for her. So many different peoples and races had come together, united around a common goal of doing good and helping others. The men and women that were her advisors and companions were brave, sacrificial, bold. It was both humbling and inspiring to be at the center of such a gathering of astonishing and magnetic personalities.

It was easy to get swept up. It was easy to forget.

Perhaps that's why Hawen's clan caught her off guard. After Halamshiral, she came to the Exalted Plains with the Iron Bull, Cole & Solas to investigate the silence of Gaspard's troops in the wake of his political defeat. As they roamed through the forests and gullies of the region, running into the Dalish was the most serendipitous of accidents. First, she and her band saved a Dalish hunter from an attack of undead, and he told them where to find his camp. After they arrived, one thing led to another, and she helped the clan with everything from gathering supplies, to hunting down their hallah and discovering the sad end of an overly foolish and independent young Mage.

The clan loved her. They really, truly loved her. They welcomed her as one of her own and even allowed for one of their members to join the Inquisition's cause. Such a degree of camaraderie and fellowship was something her own clan had never offered her. And this sudden acceptance drug up many old hurts and questions that she had been burying for years.

After exploring a ruin of an ancient bath and closing a rift down by the edge of the river, night had fallen and the four companions decided to camp nearby. The Iron Bull was snoring soon after dusk. Cole was laying in the grass outside the edge of the fire, staring off into the sky. And Solas's tent was dark; he was probably already deep within the mysteries of the Fade. Avalon slipped out, silent as a shadow, and made her way down through the crumbling architecture of the ruin in search of a place to unwind and fumble with her inner unrest.

The waters called to her, pulling at the way the moon pulls at the waves.

She ambled down to the shore, kicking off her shemlen boots. She ran her bare toes over the smooth edges of the cold stone floor as she worked her way, slowly, towards the lapping river. She unraveled herself from her armor, letting it drop like a second skin, thudding against the ground, then pulled the plaits out of her hair and ran her fingers through the waves they left behind, the moonlight sinking into the dark shimmers of her strands like starlight swallowed by the night sky. By the time she reached the open courtyard, her legs were bare under her linen shift, and her arms were pale and naked against the crisp night air.

She turned to the right and stepped through the last arches at the edge of the ruin, making her way to the dock, and sat down, slipping her feet into the black waters of the river. As she started to undo the last of her clothing, pulling at the string laced together at her neckline, she heard an awkward cough from the shadows of the river beyond her, and, before her surprise could flutter into fear, Solas swam out into the moonlight.

"Inquisitor...I did not expect to find you here," he stumbled through the unplanned statement, forcing words out to smooth over the awkwardness of the situation. He had not seen her approaching, had not witnessed her shedding her clothing. Having her here, now, suddenly so tender and vulnerable, it set fire to a deep impulse within him: to protect and to cherish the rarest of spirits in this world.

"Oh! Solas!" She registered his presence, her voice a bell ringing in the night, her face flush with the unexpected encounter. She smoothed her hands against herself, pressing the tunic against her bare body, casting her spirit out into the moment and reeling back the feelings that it gathered. She was surprised. Yes. But not unhappy to find him here. In a way, his presence put her more at ease and helped her feel more...complete. The anxiety of wrestling with her experience of the Dalish clan seemed less of an isolation. Perhaps Solas had been drawn by fate to walk down these paths of her heart with her.

She looked out into the river where he stayed. His body was swallowed by the night waters. His bare shoulders and face bobbed up and down as he paddled silently, the moonlight gliding over his alabaster skin. It occurred to her he might be wearing the river, and the river alone.

"I can leave, if you would like your privacy," she offered, not wanting to impose unwanted intimacy on him.

"That is not necessary," he chuckled. And then, with demure, "If you would like to join me, you may."

She smiled openly at him. This was this sort of grace and mutual respect that defined their relationship, their admiration and love for each other. Wordlessly, she slipped into the water, her shift still on, and paddled her way out to him. The tide was gentle. The musty scent of the waters poured over her, and she submerged her head underwater, emerging with hair black and smooth as ebony in the dim light of night. Once she reached him, she stopped in front of him, shimmering, and smiled, the line of the water lapping into her mouth. "Hi."

"Hello," he replied, smiling at their lack of abandon.

Then she looked down and away, comforted by his presence enough to return to her thoughts. And he noticed the change in her breathing, the tenseness in her shoulders and the lines pulling at her expression. They stayed in silence like that for some time, as she turned her heart over and over, casting it out into the void and reeling it back again, trying to dig deep within herself for some anchor to latch onto, some definition for the unease which plagued her.

But she could not name it. All that surfaced was sadness, and she could not even explain why.

This was unlike her. Typically, she was bright, in his presence. Inquisitive. Bubbly. Drawing him out of himself. But, this once, it seems, she needed him to help with the rhythms of her heart. His own spirit leapt within him at her need. She made him...feel...so much more than he ever had any right to. And he tried to censor himself, to protect her from the inevitable heartbreak of loving him. But they were already so forgone.

He called her his heart, and her she was aching.

"Come, vhenan," he said, ushering her towards the shadows where he'd been sitting when she arrived. He lounged back towards shore, his legs resting on the riverbed, and pulled her up into the harbor of his embrace. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her back against his chest. She placed her arms over his, steadying herself in the gentle tide. As he held her there, he leaned his chin over her shoulder, and she cocked her face to the side, brushing her nose against his cheek.

Underwater, their bodies felt new and free and uninhibited. The silt beneath their toes was soft. Her legs bobbed with the tide, occasionally brushing against his own. Her body was warm against his bare skin. Droplets ran down her hair. And, even though her wet clothes clung to her subtle and inviting figure, the ends of her long hair branched out into the water like soft little dancers, covering her with a gentle and beautiful modesty.

She sighed, but she had no words. She leaned into the safety of Solas's grasp, and he held her together while the melancholy she feared shuddered through her like thunder. Her breath quickened. Her heartbeat trembled. Why was she afraid? What made her so afraid?

He had no answers. And, so, he held her while the feelings neither of them understood coursed like tremors through her body. He tightened his grip, giving her something firm to cling to in the over wise tumultuous waves of memory and feeling. Until finally the trauma subsided. And she felt...at peace.

She turned around in his arms, straddling him, digging her toes into the silt on either side of the riverbed at his back. She placed her hands on his shoulders and leaned her forehead against his. "Thank you," she whispered. "I...I needed that. And I'm glad I didn't have to feel it alone."

"Oh, ma vhenan," he pulled his hands out of the water to cup her face. She leaned back to take in his searching gaze. They floated there for a moment, the waters enveloping them, holding them together. His heart crumbled inside him with all the promises he could never make to her. "I wish I could tell you that you would never have to be alone."

She smiled, full of kindness. "You are here, now. That is enough."

With that, he swept her into an embrace and kissed her. He ran his hands down her back, the fabric of her shift billowing in the water as he caressed the vessel of her fierce passion. She was impossible. She did not shrink away from difficult encounters, but opened up her heart without fear. He wished he could crawl inside her dreams and hide himself inside her deep compassion, if only for just one night.

He kissed her, again, desperately, wishing the fates had been kinder than to tempt him with a love he knew he would never be able to keep. But this moment, the fragile beauty of this night, even if he could not carry her with him into the beyond, he could make a memory that would root him to her so that he could carry her scent with him into the loneliness that was sure to ensue.

And, as she kissed him back, unfurling herself into his wild dread, she believed that, just maybe, if she loved him deeply enough, perhaps his warnings would wash away like rain, and he could find a way to stay.

* * *

This is a one-shot of Inquisitor Avalon Lavellan who is featured in my longer work Meet Me In The Fade.

It is based off of a tumblr prompt, asking for a scene with Solas x My Inquisitor bathing together. If you'd like to find me on tumblr, I'm somgsforclem!


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